I’ts OKAY to not be Okay.

“I’m not okay”

Who knew 9 letters could make a human feel so vulnerable.

From my experience, saying these three words does not bring the relief it should, but brings feeling of defeat. I have been working on myself and my mental health for years, and this is still one of my biggest struggles. Anxiety, Depression and all other mental health issues present in everyone differently. People on the outside may not even know we are struggling, which is why it is so important to vocalize our weaknesses when we need help.

I’ve decided to delve into this particular blog topic because lately, I have not been okay.

In a previous blog post I briefly mentioned receiving treatment when I was 14 years old for a depressive episode. I didn’t go into grave detail at that time for a few reasons: one being that it was not the main focus of my post and it’s also really hard to voice your very personal struggles on the internet.  But, when I think about it, I think that is where a lot of our problems with the mental health stigma begins. If we don’t talk about it, the taboo nature of this topic will just continue to grow.

I will start by saying I suffer from “Generalized Anxiety Disorder” and “Clinical Depression.” I use quotations because those are the terms my physicians and insurance companies use. These are umbrella terms that manifest so differently person to person and everyone’s experiences are not the same, despite the same diagnosis. I for one, suffer mostly from anxiety, which doesn’t present itself like it is portrayed in the movies.

I am often overwhelmed with feelings of anger and irritability at a moments notice, with no clear cause or reason. I feel as if I am unable to cope, like I need a physical release to feel better. And when you don’t have that ability to let the feeling go it becomes overwhelming, the air feels thick, my hands sweat and I am encompassed with feelings of rage.

A perfect example of this was a few days ago, I was running late for work and my dog was whining to go out, I was trying to make my coffee and I drew one of my eyebrows on too thin. All of these things may seem so insignificant, but my blood started to boil. I was so enraged with my surroundings I had a delayed response to the fact I was accidentally burning my wrist on my curling iron.

By the time I finally got to my car I was fuming, white knuckling the steering wheel. And I just started to scream till my throat was hoarse. I needed to get this anger out, I was desperate to feel better. Instead, the tears started to flow and I just cried, in the parking lot of my work place.

It was there in my car I realized I couldn’t do this alone and I needed help, I needed support. No one should have to feel this way, and absolutely no one should have to feel it alone.

One of the most difficult things about asking for help is realizing it’s okay that you can’t do it alone. And that it doesn’t mean you’ve failed or you’re defeated. I think as humans we all want a sense of control. We want to be in charge of our life and our choices, let alone our feelings, and when we’re not, it can be devastating.

I often surprise people when I open up about my struggles and get responses like “but you’re so happy all the time” or “I would have never known” and that’s because I AM happy, outgoing, compassionate and dedicated. But I also hurt sometimes.

It is okay, to not be okay.

With that I say Good evening and may you have a wonderful day filled with Coffee, Cats and Cusswords

Instagram: coffeecatsandcusswords

A List of Daily Activities Good For Your Mental Health

Over the many years that I have struggled with depression and anxiety I have truly come to realize that it is the little things in life that we take for granted, and shouldn’t. Below are is a list of  things I do everyday for my personal Mental Health Wellness. Despite if you struggle with any Mental Illness, I think these are things we ALL can benefit from to be our best selves.

 

1, Make your bed- There is something so satisfying to a freshly made bed to come home to at night. I do it when I first wake up because it validates I have gotten up and done SOMETHING productive today.

2. Change your clothes- I don’t care if it’s you changing from one pair of sweats to another, change your clothes! Slipping into something fresh and clean automatically motivates me to move forward with my day and get shit done.

3. Shower- This may seem like a given but for people who suffer from depression, we lack motivation to meet our most basic needs. Listen, I won’t judge you if you throw your hair in a bun and only wash your body (mostly because I do this multiple times a week) but just get in the shower. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. You deserve it.

4. Eat Breakfast- We all grew up hearing “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” And its true. If I have to choose between putting on mascara for work or making an English muffin- The carbs will win every time. Plus I like having those few quiet moments to myself in the morning before work to eat and mentally prepare for the day ahead.

5. Say Please and Thank You- Yes, believe it or not, basic manners can make you feel better! I am a firm believer that what you put out into the world is what you will get back. So Thank your waitress, hold open the door for the person behind you. These actions take an extra 5 seconds and can make the difference in a person’s day.

6. Get outside- Even if it’s just to walk my dog around outside I try to get out once a day. It is all to easy to hole up in your bed with your laptop all day, but I personally feel junky if I do that. Just 5 minutes of fresh air can re-motivate and reset my brain to be productive.

7. Have Hobbies for Yourself- Pick some things that you genuinely enjoy, who cares what others think! I have been playing Sim’s since it first came out and currently still play to decompress. I also love to Bullet Journal and Read(which I need to make more time for)

All though the human experience is different for us all, at the end of the day we all need to make time for ourselves. What are some things you want to make time for everyday? I thoroughly encourage you to do so.

 

With that I say Good Evening and may you have a wonderful day filled with Coffee, Cats and Cusswords

Instagram: coffeecatsandcusswords